-by Gloria Kaasch-Buerger | 04/22/2019 |
Imagine if you had a robot that you could program to be the perfect friend. What would that robot be programed to do? Maybe it would compliment your eyes on a daily basis. The friend robot might pick you up when you fall down and nurse your wound. Maybe this friend robot would cook you elaborate meals and give you a massage afterwards. Let your imagination go wild.
Have you created the perfect friend?
That robot could be you! What if I told you that your perfect friend has been hiding inside of you this whole time? All you need to do is program yourself!
Four years ago, I was diagnosed with a life-altering disease. I had to leave my work and was bedridden for three years. My friends had their lives and my husband had his job, so I was forced to spend a lot of time alone. It was torture. I was in constant pain and I wasn’t able to do all the activities that I used to do. Depression started creeping in, but then I started seeing a psychologist. She helped me realize that I was my own bully. I was not alone; a lot of people cannot get along with themselves.
Obstacles To Being Your Own Friend
Common obstacles keep us from being friends with ourselves:
- You are your own bully not friend. Do you constantly scold yourself? Are you constantly pushing yourself beyond your abilities? There is a fine line between being motivated and being a bully to yourself.
- No one told you that you can be in charge of your own pleasure. We are never taught in school how to console ourselves, pleasure ourselves, or be self-reliant in general, so it's not your fault. Something as simple as a kind thought at the right time can be a way to give yourself a little boost of pleasure.
- You just don’t think you like yourself. There are so many unattainable standards in our society today that authenticity seems to be mute. Everyone strives for these artificial standards in beauty, in character, and in life. Of course we don’t like ourselves because we have created unrealistic expectations.
- You don’t like being alone. This means completely alone, without your phone, or without social media. It is rare to be alone these days; maybe it feels different to a lot of people and different can be scary.
- You don’t have permission to be friends with yourself. People who enjoy spending time with themselves are not celebrated in a society of aspiring socialites. Sometimes all you need is permission to take time with yourself.
Ask yourself: Why you don’t consider yourself your best friend? Take a minute to evaluate the flaws that you have identified that prevent you from being your own friend. Now, let's work on reprogramming yourself to be your best friend.
Are you ready to meet your new best friend?
How To Be Your Own Best Friend
How to program yourself to be your own friend:
- Spend time with you! That's right—it’s time to break out the calendar and schedule a time to hang out with you! What do you wish you could do with your friends? Perhaps your quality time includes something already considered a solo activity like reading. Embrace that moment that you have taken for yourself to read. Find the most comfortable spot, make your favorite cup of tea, and relish in this juicy moment that you get to spend with yourself. Make this time with yourself with the intention that you are getting comfortable with yourself.
- Be in charge of your own happiness. Are you in a bad mood? What do other people do for you that usually makes you feel better? Maybe others give you a hug and listen to your concerns. You can do this for yourself. It’s okay to make you the priority.
- Appreciate yourself naked. This is a strange one, but accepting yourself and all your bits is a huge part of beating the inner bully. Explore your body like you were helping a friend accept their body. Find areas that you can love and embrace them as beautiful.
- Get in tune with your emotions. Check in with yourself every day and try to identify the emotion that you are feeling. You do not have to fix the emotion; just observe it. This third-party observation is a great way to check in with your inner best friend. Getting in tune with your own emotions takes work, so if you cannot feel an emotion the first time you try this, try try try again.
The best advice I have received is to treat myself like I would a puppy. I love puppies! I could never be mean to a puppy! So, my inner best friend is a puppy. You can imagine your inner best friend however you like, but make sure that it is something or someone that you could never hurt.
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