According to the spiritual philosophy I ascribe to, we are all moving from imperfection to perfection. That means we are all growing, changing, developing. We are progressing from crude to subtle, culminating in merger with the subtlest entity of them all: The source of all creation.
There is a part of me that expects this process of moving from crude to subtle to be easy, painless, and strewn with roses. However, I’m reminded a caterpillar doesn’t become a butterfly without struggle. That means in my movement toward the source of all creation, there will be some struggle, and dare I say it?, pain.
The last month especially is not what I would call a pleasure cruise: nightmares, grief, health troubles, financial insecurity. It’s enough to make a gal throw her hands up in the air and ask, “Why?!?” The only conclusion I can come to, the only conclusion that makes sense to me, is this is to bring me closer to my nearest and dearest, my most precious Self. This is aiding me on my path to become even more subtle.
If the end game is merger with the Supreme, then I have to believe everything that happens to me is in service of that goal. Everything that happens to me is precisely so I can move closer and closer, each breath to my beloved. Sometimes I think my beloved is the worst kind of lover—jealous and possessive, not above lying and scheming—all to bring me closer. All so I can turn to my higher power over and over again. Because that’s precisely what’s happening right now.
This month I’ve meditated with a fervor that hasn’t been the case for a long time. Every spare minute it seems I’m thinking about the divine; aching, yearning, longing to feel better. To escape the pain I’m feeling in a constructive way. All this pain is not for punishment; it’s not for a random, no-good reason. It’s forcing me closer to God, and to God in the form of my community, and that’s not such a bad thing.
My spiritual teacher says, “You should always remember that you are the children of the [Cosmic Consciousness] and it is your birthright to be one with Him. It is your birthright to sit upon His lap. Nobody can debar you from this birthright. That is why, knowingly or unknowingly, consciously or unconsciously, you should all move towards Him and be one with Him. This is the path of humanity.”
I dream of a world where we consciously move closer to the divine. A world where we take our pain and use it as a tool of transformation. A world where we understand even the difficult things happen ultimately for our own good.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.